February 2, 1863 Samuel Langhorne Clemens began using a pseudonym. And that, for the most part, is how we know him – by his pseudonym, Mark Twain. In honor of the grand occasion, a few words from the man himself:

Scientists have odious manners, except when you prop up their theory; then you can borrow money from them. – The Bee

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. – A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court

Grief can take care of itself; but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. – Following the Equator

The more you try to think of an unthinkable thing, the more it eludes you. – How to Make History Dates Stick

Broadly speaking, genius is not born with sight, but blind; and it is not itself that opens its eyes, but the subtle influences of a myriad of stimulating exterior circumstances. – Saint Joan of Arc

Use the right word, not its second cousin. – Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offenses

[Seventy] is the Scriptural statute of limitations. After that, you owe no active duties; for you the strenuous life is over. […] If you shrink at thought of night, and winter, and the late home-coming from the banquet and the lights and the laughter […] you need only reply, ‘Your invitation honors me, and pleases me because you still keep me in your remembrance, but I am seventy; seventy, and would nestle in the chimney-corner, and smoke my pipe, and read my book, and take my rest, wishing you well in affection, and that when you in your return shall arrive at pier No. 70 you may step aboard your waiting ship with a reconciled spirit, and lay your course toward the sinking sun with a contended heart. – Seventieth birthday